Normally I just sit here and the birds tweet and I watch them with my coffee (this morning, it appears we have 4 baby collared doves, and two big fat ones.. nesting) and not much untoward happens. I am blessed, Mindfulness has also played a major part in my equanimity. But with all three children now left home… when something does happen that shakes my tree, wow – do I notice it. Excellent for practice! The obstacles are the path and all that.. (I can hear my tutor Heather…)

But sometimes something unexpected comes to bite my… behind…and remind me, yeah – you still have work to do here. But this feels urgh! It’s a situation. Can I describe it without insinuating anyone? The thing is with mindfulness, I am the centre of the story, always. Even if someone else is really truly being difficult ( like today) then there is always something to work with within myself  in a mindful way. What a gift! And what a gift to see that my own anger can be a gift?

After our Teachers’ Retreat on projection… I hope (for myself) to maintain a transparency of attention as events unfold, see the mind grasping and rejecting, creating subterfuge. Projecting.

I listen to the storyline that I have in the Difficult Situation. The script. I am indignant, disappointed, frustrated and –  ooh now there’s cross –  only last week I was basking in the idea that anger wasn’t something that manifested much for me, if ever! and how nice that was. Now here it is fresh, boiling, quietly seething.. I’m really MAD! But I can’t do anything about it and make them do the right thing! I feel it – it’s like I’ve just looked into a furnace…

and there’s a lid on it – and this suppressed feeling is accompanied by a feeling of thinking I am somehow a failure for feeling this at all! Anger is bad therefore you are bad too says the voice.

I catch myself with that thought – pin it – there’s thinking – I let it go and move on through to the next wave of whatever it might be. My guest house door is flung ajar. (From the poem by Rumi you can read here). I have learned through insight training to aspire to open to and begn to notice deeper attitudes and drives beneath the thinking. It can be surprising, I find RAIN practice can be very insightful about what is going on just beneath the surface. We cover the RAIN practice on our Level One Mindfulness Training. 

Some of it is because I feel others’ actions have affected me and there is frustration there about that. I feel it like a brick wall in front of me that I want to break through. I want them to take conciliatory action and they just won’t. This affects me because I am the messenger. I am stuck in the middle of two people and their points of view. Well, and according to me, their stubbornness.

Someone is annoyed with someone else. They refrain from taking the ‘right’ action (in my opinion) however, the action, they are not taking but easily could, is causing ME frustration and anxiety, my pulse is raised, I feel adrenaline, I don’t get cross often, but today, ooooooh I’m feeling it. Their stubbornness is affecting me – not the intended other!

Ok I let the anger in. I don’t know what to do with it. But it’s there. It’s very energetic and the adrenaline is calling for some action. My threat drive is triggered I feel it pulsing. I am sooo cross. I move around quickly and become extremely efficient at tidying up! One thing I have learned from having historical chronic anxiety is that movement really helps to shift and soothe it. When I’m in a bit of a state my laundry gets folded really neatly and quickly!

The thoughts are swirling round – the same thoughts. I don’t know whether not-thinking them is suppressing them or letting them go. I guess if I am still feeling cross I need to just go there, dive in, really feel into it. The resistance to doing this makes it even more uncomfortable and the mind rejects the approach. My mindfulness inner guru (remarkable perseverer) whispers Soften! Soothe! Allow! I sink into the feeling and the storyline seems to soften a little and I realise I cannot control others, but I can quietly speak this pain. I decide that this is a Good Thing to Do. Not from the angry place but from this open-to-the-pain place. The place that is soft, soothed and accepting.

I am met with defensiveness, rolling eyes, and I can feel that they have anger too, not at me but at the ‘other’. Their resistance to their pain, and their (stubborn non-)action (to perhaps annoy the other person) has created a situation where the other person knows nothing about it, yet it is me experiencing the suffering. I have heard a Buddhist analogy of holding your anger or resentment is like holding a hot coal. You get burned, and the other person has no idea about it.

I am standing here having been handed someone else’s hot coal! I hand it back by softly speaking how I feel. This feels so good! I am Mindfully communicating! I want peace! Mindful of the potential flashpoint and knowing what defensiveness looks like I remain gentle in my voice.

What I observe about this situation is that when we are angry, the action we take, can actually hurt people around us without really realizing what we are doing.

Later in the day, as I pour the tea into the teapot and quietly ask tea? Coffee? (having resolved not to say any more about it all) I am told that the action to reconcile the situation has been taken. All is well in the world. Thank you Mindfulness Association for that particular surfboard to surf that wave. Might it be that this surfing might become enjoyable?

This week in the Mindfulness challenge I invite you to open up to those around you, noticing who might be affected by your speech, your actions.

As we practice and dedicate any good we may have gained from our practice and share it in ever widening circles, when others behave in a way we find challenging it can be good to take a look at our own speech and actions and bring mindfulness to the wider ripples we create in even the smallest gestures.

Just after this episode and before writing this blog, I happened to read the deeply reassuring poem that Fay has posted up – Vajaya – Victor adapted by Matty Weingast which soothed me and gave me permission to be not OK. “If this circling is all you have, why not make this circling your home?”

Wishing you well this week, and that you may find your door flung wide to whichever guest may arrive for you, and know it is Ok to feel not OK. Soften, soothe and allow whatever is here for you this week.

Warmly,

Lisa

To keep up your practice or even start at the beginning with Mindfulness you can join our daily guided meditations online, at 10.30am and 7pm Monday to Friday. Join our growing online community of Mindfulness practitioners! We’d love to see you there.

THIS LINK will take you to read more and to the button to join the practice.

How can a humble raisin possibly be a portal not only to the world of Mindfulness, but to the subtle thinking and emotional realm that goes on just beneath consciousness and then further down into the root of compassionate energy and a sense of connection with everyone and everything?

Even though the egoic part of me tells me I have ‘been there’ and ‘done that’ with the raisin exercise – I have learned with Mindfulness there is never enough ‘being’ and ‘doing’ of the simple foundational practices. If the raisin exercise was the only exercise I ever did –  this would be enough for me, as I learned this week.

This simple yet profound exercise is worth revisiting. Regularly. Like going to the gym.

I can tell myself I am eating mindfully “Mmmm this cake is gooooooood”, but my mind has eaten it already and is looking for the next slice before I’ve finished munching and I have missed out on most of what the cake had to offer me. I seem to be on a mission to just get the cake inside me! The intense focus of Mindfulness with the raisin seems to train the part of my mind that ‘wants’ – it has the power to intercept this (really strong) urge to feed my face and I am taken into slow motion… taking in every exquisite moment… of the ritual… of nourishing my body with this miraculous tiny object. With this raisin I become aware of ‘what’s happening while it’s happening’ whilst noticing any notions of preference that may arise. (Mindful eating is such a great place to explore this noticing preference.) Rob Nairn’s quote uses ‘without preference’ but let’s just see if we can just notice preference in the beginning! Is your raisin too small? Too big? Not a very ‘good’ raisin? Has someone else got a better one?

The mindful raisin exercise is much more than an exercise in simply Mindful eating, which perhaps we might think in the beginning. However it does imbue dinner time with a new-found sense of presence – but not always. It needs practice. If I make a special effort, I can be entirely present with my meal, but this is can be tricky under normal circumstances at the dinner table with all the chat that goes on around the table in my house. That’s why retreats are so good for me to hone and embed the skills, where I can really observe and savour the moment-to-moment experience of eating, which allows some space through which my subtle urges and desires can make themselves known to me.

With the raisin exercise each time my experience has been different. This week it was the experience of leading this practice that opened further doors and took me through a portal. I am grateful to my teacher training peer group for the experience of working together. We came together through our teacher training this year, and we continue to practice, learn and discover and it is like a never ending unfurling of lotus petals as we go deeper into the practices each time we do them. Inquiring into each others’ experience with gentle curiosity is ‘like watching a beautiful sunset’ (Fay Adams on the incredible Inquiry course), which fills me up with an unspeakable joy.

We all had a break after our July course and last week came together for the first time in a while and as I really am aiming to start an 8-week online course soon– I decided I would start at the beginning and deliver the raisin exercise to get me in the mood 🙂

In the West we have been taught and believe we have 5 senses, while in the East there are 6. How can this be? When people in the West talk about a 6^th sense, there is a subtle belief that this is the ‘woo-woo’ sense. The Eastern 6 senses relate to our sensory receptors that begin with the mind as a first sensor and is not related to the ‘woo-woo’ 6^th sense we talk about in the West.

Tibetan Buddhism’s understanding of the senses begin with Mind/Brain itself which is seen as a sensory organ which picks up thought as its percept (as the ears pick up sound.) This makes sense to me, but it was only after my delivery of the raisin exercise that I explored this concept further; and I feel it has a lot to offer us. It explains a lot about how we in the West believe our thoughts to be facts which we identify with, rather than ‘mind objects’ which pass though us.

Exploring the surface detail of the raisin in detail, combined with a mindful curiosity, allowed me to notice certain knowledge and facts as I perused the tiny wrinkled object. I became curious also about what I don’t know about the raisin, which appeared to me to be a much larger entity! Thoughts come to mind immediately about this raisin – I know it’s a raisin but the essence of this raisin, that was once a grape – there’s a lot I don’t know about this particular raisin. I had a vision of the raisin which took me to its place of origin. Where did it come from? On which sunny slope did it fatten and grow? In which country? Which birds around it didn’t eat it? Which creatures lived nearby? Who tended to it? Who picked it or was it a machine? I was taken into the raisin’s world as it spent its last moments in mine. I had a felt sense that many people, causes and conditions had worked together to bring me this raisin. Zoom back into the world and I have a raisin here alone in my kitchen and it is easy to think that nobody has anything to do with me and this raisin in my kitchen.

These could be considered thoughts. And in one sense they are – but the experience was one of insightful contemplation which expanded my world and broke through some kind of mental limitation I had around my knowledge and how thinking I know something can be a barrier to actually knowing something! Or feeling something.

When I look at the raisin, a new way of seeing opened up for me. My eyes are relaying information to my brain, which is responding with all prior experiences of raisins. I cut through this by really allowing the eyes to explore the surface and textures of the raisin. The texture I notice, just by looking I know how it will feel. The light and shadow suggest it is crumpled, waxy I can guess at the texture. Such a variety of colour. It begins to look like a shrivelled brain. A black walnut. A dead fly (school dinners – there was a cake we used to call a flies graveyard) memories of swimming in Cornwall at a pool with a bag of black raisins instead of sweets. Childhood picnics, memories come flooding back about raisins in general and I can see that just looking is enough to trigger many conditioned responses and emotions. You will have different memories. We can all look at this raisin and it will take is all to different places.

I am interested in how I look at and understand the raisin. I am currently studying on the Studies in Mindfulness Masters course with the University of Aberdeen. My professional context as a graphic designer is visual communication & imagery (what we see) with Mindfulness which takes me into the realm of image as a contemplative practice. I’m interested in how we look, and what comes to mind when we do. My research tells me that most of what we think we see is the mind’s projection. Just starting with the raisin is a great place to start with contemplation of seeing. We bring beginner’s mind to the raisin. What if this was the first time I have ever seen this item?

As we move through the senses, each sense can be a portal to a new spacious mindful awareness. After looking, touching, listening (yes! It is possible to listen to a raisin – “notice the urge to laugh”…we can hear that the raisin might be juicy!), we notice the urge now to ‘just eat it’ – just get on with it! And taste and sensations around the eating…

We might also detect a growing impatience? (We normally eat so fast!) Can you just place it in your mouth – notice the urges – the skill of the tongue, the urge to bite? To swallow? The immediate urge for more? More what? What do you want? More taste? More biting? More what exactly? What do you feel?

Try this Mindful Eating (15 mins) from our 31 Day Mindfulness Challenge with Karen Lerpinier. (which we are doing again in January!)

In the raisin session we all had different food objects. During the inquiry a participant in my group feels emotional.  Simply looking at their food object took them back to childhood and they feel a real sadness; of a time lost…time with grandparents growing grapes… of degradation of the environment. Another acknowledges having never really looked at the chocolate they eat regularly, admitting to a mindlessness around consumption which we all nod and relate to. The bag of chocolate buttons almost gone.

At the end of the session we are all contemplating the vastness of this tiny raisin and what it can bring us when we choose to bring mindfulness awareness to this everyday activity. We consider how what we see can trigger reactions in us, how memories arise and transport the mind away from the present moment. Coming back to simple presence with our sensations open up this moment and we can live it much more fully, in our daily lives….we can begin to see how we project our stories onto the things around us. Mindfulness shows us the potential of each moment to crack open our world-we-think-we-know and take us into a much vaster space of curiosity and wonderment of not-knowing.

As we closed the practice, I was moved by the strength of our session. I was moved to find that delivering the raisin exercise and hearing how it moved people and gave such a variety of insights that my fears around delivering Mindfulness are fleeting. My motivation to share Mindfulness with others is driven by something profound, which is powered by compassion to share this gift with others. Practicing with others adds strength and depth to my experience and I am grateful to my group.

“Imagine if we gave the people around us this much attention” was a profound parting thought from one member.

Weekly Challenge

A simple (!?) challenge this week – Imagine if we had nothing to give but our attention this week, how wonderful that would be?

Choose where you would like to apply your full and undivided attention this week. Perhaps set an intention for a set amount of time, or during a phone conversation, or simply with breakfast.

Try it with those you come into contact with this week. How does that make you feel?

My grandchildren came this weekend and I remembered the parting words above as I gazed into their eyes as they told me their stories and we played and made things together. I had set the intention to (as much as possible! I am human!) when engaging with them to give them my full attention. I noticed how much they look at me for attention. I might not have noticed this. I felt so good to already be looking at them when they looked up to see if I was looking. Wonderful! That really gave me a felt sense of deep connection with those young curious minds – as my granddaughter left for home, clutching the wonky bear we had made together she said ‘thank you nanan for giving me the time to help me make my teddy’.

To benefit and learn from practising with others you can join our Free Daily Guided Practice online each day from 10.30am (Mondays to Fridays) and every day at 7pm. These daily practice sessions will be continuing right through the Christmas period. You can join by clicking on the Daily Meditation button on our HOMEPAGE

When one is able to overcome the romantic and emotional attitude, one discovers truth even in the kitchen sink.

Chögyam Trungpa

This morning, with my bare feet planted onto the kitchen floor, flat and smooth, my small brown earthenware coffee cup warms my hands as I look into the windswept garden. It’s really blustery outside. We have been sitting looking into this garden for what feels like weeks with no wind, stillness, slow indiscernible change, which gives a sense of everything staying the same. Autumn makes change more visible. We talk about the changes in the world since we were young, how quickly society evolves, technology, the new news which is the same over and over in one way, timeless. There’s a timeless feeling of seasons changing, time moving on on the planet. Something changes and something stays the same. In the same way I am still me whether I am 7, 27 or 87.

I hear water drip dripping erratically from a drainpipe into a puddle, accompanied by my hollow bamboo woodchimes which provide another soundtrack – another meeting of worlds – man made, yet worked by the wild and unruly wind. When the rain stops the birds sing again. Is that actually a thrush, its song so intricate and distinct? The rain returns with more gusts of wind, and the trees look agitated. Or is that me thinking I need to get on with things? Recently I don’t feel I’ve had time to practice – the truth is I haven’t made the time. Stress creates a timewarp in my head accompaied by an illusion that there isn’t enough time. At times like this I just accept that’s what happens; I bring to mind Ani Lhamo at Samye Ling who I spoke to when I was finding it impossible to practice when my children were toddlers. She said to me when you are up against it like that –  to just make my whole day my practice. This gives me permission and space to just get on with my day without being hard on myself. Same story today.

I watch as the garden surrenders itself to the thrashing rain; its summer glory now pounded and to my eyes looking slightly beaten. I think of its ‘former glory’ and how it looks now compared to then. I am able to hold both views in my mind in order to make that comparison – and in that moment of mindful contemplation I see that those two gardens I have created in my mind are not separate, not two things, they are one, and it is this garden, here and now that holds the essence of itself in all its forms.

The trees are at times deadly still, like they are holding their breath, waiting for a breath to help them dance, today they are lively. I consider their roots are always still and rooted no matter what is going on above the ground. I consider how ‘grounding’ in Mindfulness practice helps to root me to this deep rooted sense of being- that fundamentally all is OK, no matter what the emotional weather is – it can all be OK if I can open up to seeing it that way, to accepting whatever it is that’s there in its fullness.

The garden at first looked to be a bit sad, but when I realized the garden is beautiful in all its forms at all times in every moment from spring budding to bright optimistic shoots to full bloom to autumnal turning of colour and fading full of dark drying seedheads and dying back into itself – I fully felt the beauty of all of that and it didn’t feel sad at all. This garden has beauty in every moment – and if I can’t see that it is because my mind is preventing me from seeing that – perhaps by projecting my own feelings on to it. This garden has it all in every moment and I felt the oneness with the essence of the garden.

I wondered – inquired of myself in that moment – if I was happy or sad.

Insight comes from who knows where. Settling the mind and opening to contemplative sitting while drinking coffee in my kitchen is a wonder of Mindfulness training and I am flooded with gratitude and emotion for the teachings. This might sound dramatic, well, because when it happens, it is.

So you feel at one with the garden do you? So are you happy or are you sad? It is asking me –  showing me –  that the thinking mind makes it this: am I this or am I that.

Insight asks me and shows me at the same time. Are you Happy or Sad, or is it possible you might you be both at the same time, and neither?

Last week I was in bed awake in the night feeling really sad, alone, lonely, empty dejected apropos nothing and everything. I was able to observe this poor-me mentality with mindful awareness, which brought a distance between me and those thoughts and feelings passing through. They felt quite strong, but they didn’t have the grip on me that they might have done before mindfulness practice – that is, this time, I saw them but didn’t believe them. (Thank goodness!). Ah! There’s the poor me feeling sorry for myself. I offer that part some comfort by acknowledging the feelings and soothing myself with some self compassion. I listened to a yoga nidra to soothe me back to sleep as I feel into my body and felt into how these thoughts manifest as feelings which cretae more thoughts.

Possibly the next day, I caught myself saying out loud to someone the declaration, “yes I am really happy” and my mind immediately flagged it up “uh-uh? last night you weren’t so happy, is that really TRUE? “you are so happy?” and the deep feeling of sadness made itself apparent to me by way of a reminder, it was still alive and kicking directly beneath the “I am so happy” declaration. I caught myself in now this oh-so-true storyline which, when in it, feels so real, concrete and everlasting, and separate. I am this or I am that. I am identifying with the feeling and thinking it is me. 

The memory of those ‘bad’ thoughts and feelings, remind me and brings the issue into the light of day, as I look into the garden.

I see how I cling to this: “I am so happy” or this: “I am so sad”.

“The garden was beautiful and now it looks a mess”.

I hope I have explained this in a way that means something, it is hard to find the words.

Mindfulness works as a process which allows us to see the deeper layers of attitudes, beliefs and subtle feelings that are operating just beneath the conscious mind. For me I see metaphor in the world around me. For you it may be music or movement that opens the door to the unconscious mind and we catch a glimpse of something just out of view. (Kristine’s Christmas Practice Day is about just this Catching a Glimpse of something deeper or bigger).

I am struck here by the garden metaphor helping me to see that in essence happy and sad are words that express feelings not solid states –  they pass though my mind and body which is in a state of constant flux. The essence of Me, the aware knowing part of myself is not affected by these fluctuations of emotional weather.

By ‘seeing’ the essence of the garden’s beauty in all weathers and through time I connect with my own essence.

It is one essence.

Weekly Challenge – Kitchen Table MIndfulness

This week I invite you to listen to your emotional stories – what is your inner voice telling you? Can you settle your mind long enough to hear it report your feelings to you? Maybe bring this into your practice. Ask yourself how am I feeling in this moment and listen for the answer. Keep asking, drop the question in like a pebble, three times, really wait and listen. If you can do this maybe three times at different times in the day ( each time you sit at the kitchen table?) you may be surprised at the different answers you will hear about how you are feeling. How does that make you feel? We love hearing from you. Let us know if anything comes to mind for you. Can you fell this and that? How does that feel? You can email me at membership@mindfulnessassociation.net

I hope you have a great week whatever the weather. Warm wishes to you,

Lisa

• We are still running our free guided daily meditations each and every day which are free to all and provide a meeting place for community meditation practice. Find more details HERE.
• Our Level One foundational training can be revisited as many times as you like. It’s how we cultivate a strong Mindfulness practice.  We have a new course starting on the 2^nd November on a Tuesday evening with Alan Hughes. Alan also teaches on our MSc Masters course and is trained in Compassion. Alan will be accompanied by James Milford. There will be a taster session for this course on Wednesday 20^th October at 7pm. You can join with the daily sit link HERE.
• Kristine’s midwinter Practice Day Glimpsing Goodness is one of our series of 4 Christmas practice days to help you though what can be a stressful time for some. They cost only £30 and they will offer you Mindfulness support good company from 10am-4pm.

One of the best books I have read on the evidence base for meditation is ‘The Science of Meditation’, also published as ‘Altered Traits’ by Daniel Goldman and Richard Davidson (2017). Their advice is basically to choose a practice that suits you, stick to it and avoid Charlatans.

Choose a practice that suits you

The meditation practice that you choose depends on what you are hoping to get out of the practice. For example, a practice of attending to the present moment, such as focussing on the breath or body may be associated with increased attention, but not increased compassion or theory of mind. A practice of cultivating positive emotions, such as loving kindness, compassion and gratitude may be associated with improved attention and compassion, but not theory of mind. A practice of observing thoughts may be associated with improved theory of mind (Singer, 2018).

Davidson and Goleman (2017) describe at length how different types of meditation practice generate different results. To summarise, attention meditation may be associated with the mind becoming quieter, improved emotional regulation and reduced stress and anxiety. Loving kindness and compassion meditation may be associated with generating positive mood, generosity and empathy. Meditation which involves observing thoughts may be associated with improved meta-awareness enabling more mental activity to be noticed that was previously unseen as well as enabling awareness of mental activity without becoming swept away by it.

So you might want to choose a course of meditation which includes these three different components:

• attention meditation, eg. focus on breath and/or body awareness;
• loving kindness and compassion meditation; and
• meditation on thoughts.

Stick to it

The key premise of Davidson and Goleman (2017) is that a meditator experiences particular states of mind while they are practising. However, with long term practice (the longer the better) more of these states become traits, ie. they are experienced in our daily lives and become part of our personality. This is due to the well-established process within the brain of neuroplasticity.

Neuroplasticity has been studied rigorously in the field of neuroscience and provides evidence that the more you practice something, the stronger the brain networks that are involved become. The brain rewires in accordance with repeated experience, including experience during meditation. Research so far indicates that the key parts of the brain where neural pathways transform with meditation are: those for reacting to disturbing events, those for compassion and empathy, those for attention and those for supporting our sense of self.

The yogis from the East who commit to years of retreats demonstrate the most impressive changes, such as deep equanimity and selflessness, demonstrating remarkable human potential, as seen in the brains of Tibetan yogis. A strong commitment to long term daily meditation practice and regular meditation retreats generates the best results for us Westerners, if we are not able to devote years of our lives to cloistered retreats. Doing an eight week mindfulness meditation course and following short practices on apps, while beneficial are less impactful (Davidson and Goleman, 2017).

Avoid Charlatans

In the UK the British Association of Mindfulness Based Approaches (BAMBA) hosts a list of Mindfulness meditation teachers who meet the requirements of the UK Good Practice Guidelines for Mindfulness Teachers. All of the tutors employed by the Mindfulness Association are on this list and meet the BAMBA Good Practice Guidelines and all have a strong commitment to long term daily meditation practice and regular meditation retreats.

Before engaging in a meditation training find out about the qualifications, training and meditation practice of the teacher you will be working with. If your meditation teacher is from a spiritual tradition research the lineage of meditation teachers within which they have trained. Be aware that much of the media and marketing hype are far removed from what the research has so far established.

Conclusion

The good news is that research suggests that in general practising meditation promotes a healthy mind and body. The not so good news is that sustained practice is required for the most transformative results. Meditation is not a ‘quick fix’!

Written by Heather Regan-Addis

Heather Regan-Addis is a Founder Member and Director of the Mindfulness Association.

Heather delivers training for the Mindfulness Association on our two Post Graduate Master’s degree courses as well as on our regular courses in Mindfulness, Compassion, Insight and on our Teacher training programmes.

Heather will be delivering a taster session with Q&A  for the Master’s Degree in Mindfulness & Compassion (with Teacher Qualification) ONLINE on October 11th at 7pm. You are welcome to join.

References

Goleman & Davidson (2017) – https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/533719/altered-traits-by-daniel-goleman-and-richard-j-davidson/

Singer, 2018 –https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/what_type_of_meditation_is_best_for_you

The Mindfulness Association’s 8 week MBLC course includes all three components and our longer term training includes:

• Level 1: Being Present with a prime focus on attention meditation, but also introducing meditations on loving kindness, compassion and on thoughts;
• Level 2: Responding with compassion with a prime focus on compassion and loving kindness meditation; and
• Level 3: Seeing Deeply with a prime focus on meditation on thoughts.

I haven’t been blogging so much over the last couple of months as there hasn’t been much to say. I have moved in to my new home on the east coast of Yorkshire, with my dogs Holly and Nutmeg and am settling in very happily.

I love being by the sea and walk the dogs on the beach each morning. The spacious sky and the rolling sea support me to be joyfully present. The beach is different every morning and the walk down to the beach is within a soundscape of myriad singing birds.

I live near Bempton cliffs and am now a member of the RSPB and walk along the cliffs regularly. I am becoming quite blasé about seeing puffins and gannets up close. Do you like Jacky’s photo of the puffins there? I have bumped into her at Bempton a few times! She lives just up the coast.

There are loads of birds here, swallows, swift’s and sand martins, lots of little migrating birds, sea birds and the usual pretty blue tits, blackbirds and sparrows. I love watching the birds flying. They look so free. And I feel their freedom.

I left Yorkshire 35 years ago. I grew up in the countryside. Playing in the fields, between hedges and trees, with a bird watching father. So a lot of time watching birds whether I wanted to or not!

The main thing that has surprised me is how at home I feel. The sickly sweet smell of the cow parsley, the shape of the horse chestnut trees, the hedgerows of singing birds. The friendly, and often hilariously gruff, Yorkshire voices. It feels like I am in my place.

I am enjoying seeing people after the isolation of living down a track up the road from a Samye Ling that was closed. Even seeing people walk past the front window or drive past I feel a part of the human community. I see my sister Helen and nephew Archie all the time and love being a part of a family.

I am also swimming (bobbing about and chatting) in the sea with Ani Tselha from the Scarborough Samye Dzong twice a week. This is a refreshing and joyful experience – although unlike Ani Tselha I am completely encased in neoprene from the neck down. I am also connecting with other friends from Scarborough, mainly in the sea. So moving here has placed me in a kind and welcoming community of joyful Buddhists.

My life over the last couple of years has been a lesson in impermanence. I would never have thought I would be living back in Yorkshire after 35 years. I never thought I would live by the sea. The decisions to move first to Samye Ling and then here made themselves and felt right. A year of solitude was just what I needed. Now I feel like one of the baby puffins who has jumped off the cliff ledge to soar supported by and navigating the air currents it finds itself in – joyful and free.

Sometimes a feel sad about what has been lost. That is fine. I feel settled enough to hold the sadness. As Chris Martin says in the latest Coldplay song:

My human heart
Only got a human heart
I wish it didn’t run away
I wish it didn’t fall apart
Oh my human heart
Night and day, light and dark
Any day could be torn in half
Only got a human heart

Poignant, sad, but the only way to live fully as a human, heart open, vulnerable. It creates the conditions for joy!

This morning we are working in MAHQ. This afternoon we are walking to the cliffs – an albatross has been spotted and so I hope we will see it. Then to the beach for an ice cream. This evening we have one of Helen’s murder mysteries to do, a takeaway, then an awards ceremony to celebrate our work together over lockdown. Such fun!

So what I have learned. To trust that if I keep going with good intentions and a positive motivation all will work out fine! To not bother planning, as life sorts itself out better if I stop interfering. So far so good!

Kind Wishes

Heather