compassion Archives - Mindfulness Association

Did You Have an Imaginary Friend?

Kristine Mackenzie-Janson — Tue, 06 Aug 2024 19:16:57 +0000

Did you used to have an imaginary friend when you were a child? Do you still?

I asked this question not so long ago in a group of mindfulness and compassion practitioners, and there was laughter in the room in response. A few brave hands went up, but judging by the response, it seemed I had asked a bit of a silly question.

Now this one. Do you ever hear the voice in your head of someone you met in your childhood – maybe the classroom bully, or a mean teacher, a critical parent or a stranger who out of the blue said something unkind that you still remember word for word, all these years later? For some people this may not come so clearly as a voice with words, but as a sinking feeling of ‘I’ll never manage that’, or ‘you see, here I go again’ – but with a similar flavour to what you encountered all those years ago.

Looking at my own experience, there are several voices from the past that pop up on occasion to remind me of my limitations and shortcomings, and who predict a negative outcome. I wouldn’t exactly call these ‘imaginary friends’, but ‘imaginary bullies’ would be quite an accurate term, as the original owners of these voices have long left my life, yet here their message pops up again, unbidden.

Luckily, not only have they become quieter over the years and I usually recognise them quite quickly as unhelpful input, but also, they’re not the only voices! There are many more helpful and encouraging sources, although getting them to come to the foreground took some practice. But wow, what a difference it can make to have some supportive, kind and encouraging voices to lean into! Particularly when in challenging moments or tricky times, it can make all the difference when there’s an inner compassionate friend to turn to. Actual friends are super helpful too, of course, but not always available at 3am in the morning when I wake up with worries, or in unexpected situations where a response is needed pretty much immediately.

We use our imagination all the time, and often unconsciously: imagining the worst scenario, replaying the conversation that didn’t go as we hoped, hearing negative predictions based on those voices from the past. How about accessing some freedom of choice here?

The first thing we can do, is use our mindfulness skills to become aware of these patterns playing out, and bringing our attention back to something neutral in the present moment – the sounds around us, the breath coming and going, the sensations of feet on the ground.

But we can take this one step further and begin to cultivate compassionate imagery that can support and encourage in moments when we need it most. Compassionate imagery has the potential to become a powerful source of kindness that we can access in tricky moments, giving us more resilience. This can take the form of a supportive, compassionate being, but also other forms, such as a place where you feel safe and supported, and free to be completely yourself. Version of the safe place exercise are used in a range of contexts and often reported as highly effective, such as in this research with traumatised refugees. Previous participants of compassion courses with the Mindfulness Association have also found this, like one participant who found that her safe place changed each time and over time. The place became one where the door was left open rather than closed (at first this felt safer), and a place where she felt she had everything she needed, food, warmth, comfort. One of her ‘compassionate beings’ was close by and on hand if needed. This place became a part of her ‘mindfulness toolkit’, and she loved to return here and remember that this safe place was right here within her, during stressful times.

Of course, just imagining is not likely to change our circumstances as if by magic. But whether we are aware of it or not, our imagination does have a direct impact on our emotional wellbeing and our physical nervous system – and with practice we can guide this into a helpful direction. Like Jon Kabat Zinn often says: we can’t stop the waves, but we can learn to surf!

Message from the tutor:

Teachings on compassion and practices of compassionate imagery have made a real difference in my life. I used to have a very harsh self-critic, and while that tendency is still there, it usually doesn’t take long before I can access a more helpful response. The practices that are on the menu in this weekend are varied and potent, and it’s been a delight to both introduce people to new ways of meeting themselves with kindness, as well as see people connect with practices they’d tried before but that for some reason hadn’t ‘clicked’ yet. I’d love to discover how the experience of this weekend could make a difference for your sense of resilience!

The Healing Power of Compassion in Nature

Fay Adams — Tue, 23 Jul 2024 15:35:37 +0000

Nourishing the Givers

In our fast-paced world many of us find ourselves feeling drained and in need of our own nurturing. When I feel this way I head to Aconbury Wood, near my home because I know that one powerful and deeply enjoyable way to replenish energy and restore balance is through seeking solace in nature. The combination of mindfulness, compassion and nature immersion offers a myriad of benefits, backed by both ancient wisdom and contemporary research.

I am always a little surprised, though perhaps I shouldn’t be, by how some timeless, relaxed time in nature seems to set me to rights. I don’t have to make it happen – apart from getting myself to Aconbury Wood. Once there, nature does the work of untangling my mind and softening my muscles. I return to work or parenting or supporting parents with a touch more resilience and a sense of perspective. This has the power to make all the difference.

And I find that if I practice with a compassionate intention in nature the effect is magnified. It’s all about dropping out of my head and into my heart. The world really does look different from here, but I often forget this until Aconbury Wood works its magic. When facing moments of tension in my home, or the suffering of my parents, I then have the ability to remain open and kind, and not be swallowed up by it all.

For those who spend much of their time working hard and giving to others, practising mindful compassion in nature can be especially rejuvenating. This practice can prevent burnout, enhance emotional resilience, and provide a fresh perspective on roles and responsibilities when returning home.

Mindfulness, the practice of staying present and fully engaging with the moment, helps us to calm our minds and reduce stress. Compassion, the act of recognizing and wanting to alleviate the suffering of others, is a cornerstone of many spiritual and philosophical traditions. When combined, mindful compassion not only enhances our well-being but also deepens our connection to ourselves and others.

Nature, with its inherent tranquility and beauty, provides the perfect backdrop for mindful compassion practices. The natural environment encourages us to slow down, breathe deeply, and immerse ourselves in the present moment.

The benefits of this immersive experience in nature is not just anecdotal but is supported by scientific research both in terms of mindfulness and compassion. For example the Journal of Environmental Psychology revealed that individuals who engaged in mindful walks in nature experienced improved mood and emotional well-being compared to those who walked in urban settings. This suggests that nature amplifies the benefits of mindfulness, making it a potent tool for emotional regulation. Research published in Frontiers in Psychology indicates that practicing mindfulness in nature can increase feelings of connectedness and compassion. The study found that nature exposure enhances our empathy towards others and fosters a greater sense of community.

So if you feel that your batteries are running low and that now is the time to gift yourself the space and time to breathe deep and reconnect with yourself, join us in the beautiful surrounds of Samye Ling for a compassion and nature bath!

Fay

Join Fay for a weekend of compassion in Nature in the beautiful and gentle surroundings of Samye Ling in the south of Scotland. 16-18 August.

Let’s Rise Up!

Fay Adams — Wed, 03 Apr 2024 15:28:56 +0000

Let’s Rise Up!

If we surrendered
to earth’s intelligence
we could rise up rooted, like trees. (Rainer Maria Rilke)

When I did a retreat with Joanna Macy (a renowned Buddhist scholar and activist) many years ago, I was shocked to discover that pretty much all my personal suffering is funnelled down from a more universal, collective suffering related to what is not wholesome, healthy and well in our culture and eco-systems. My uncomfortable thoughts, emotional struggles, physical tensions, my sadness, numbness and frustration, are not only mine I realised. What a revelation! I believe reuniting with what Rilke calls ‘Earth’s intelligence’ was what enabled me to see this. It’s an intelligence that sees interconnectedness, that feels part of the Earth.

The infuriating and heartbreaking reality facing us at this time, is that humans have entered an age where our survival and the survival of the earth as we know it, are hanging in the balance, due to our own actions. Rilke’s words above were written in the early 20^th Century. Much further down the line, as a species, we are still drastically spinning off from living with this kind of intelligence.

I would love to believe we can turn this around, but in reality I have no idea if this is possible. So where does this leave us? Well, here’s my answer: I choose to live as if it is possible, because the alternative, hopelessness and giving up, is not an option. This is what Joanna Macy calls ‘active hope’ – living the hope of a better world, because without hope there is no hope.

Fascinatingly there are several prophesies that predicted this world situation. This one below, which is of Buddhist origin, is in the words of Joanna Macy. It was given to her by her teacher Tibetan Buddhist monk Dugu Choegyel Rinpoche of the community of Tashi Jyong in North-West India. While some similar prophecies have been discredited or consigned to cultural appropriation, I’m happy to give this one my attention, because I know and trust its origins.

‘There comes a time when life on earth is in great danger. At that time, great powers have arisen…there are weapons of unfathomable destructive power and technologies that lay waste to the world. It is just at this point that the kingdom of Shambhala emerges…You can’t go there because it is not a place, it emerges in the hearts and minds of the Shambhala warriors.’ (From the book Active Hope by Joanna Macy and Chris Johnstone)

The Kingdom of Shambhala. This myth sends shivers down my spine. These shivers tell me that I need this myth to live by. I need it to lift my spirits, to kindle vitality in my body, to give me a sense of being part of a movement to ‘rise up rooted, like trees’ and be powerful. We need to be galvanised by a narrative that inspires us to act. The narratives we’re exposed to these days often only serve to dampen, disempower and send us back to sleep. I need this myth to give me hope that transformation on a mass scale is possible, with the force of compassion and love. This is what Joanna Macy calls The Great Turning. Will you be part of it?

PART II

So, with this myth to live by, what will I do? I will nurture my ability to bring love and compassion into action. Here are some things that I didn’t know I needed, which nurture me to be able to engage in compassion in action.

I need to let myself off. You don’t have to give perfect, unconditional compassion for it to count as compassion. Feel the inner judgement, resentment, reticence, defiance or fear and be compassionate anyway.
I need to fill my own cup by bolstering joy, appreciation and creativity in my life. It’s not selfish to allow yourself pleasure. Pleasure, joy, beauty, creativity – these are essential to the human spirit too, if we are to thrive. They also give us resilience and the inner resource to face what is difficult.
I need to feel the pain of the world. On the retreat with Joanna Macy on Holy Isle, when I realised that our historic global inheritance is a shared one, that my suffering is everyone’s suffering, it was a big surprise to me and very liberating, as well as tragic. My suffering is not personal!
I need community. If I engage in community experiences (celebrations, volunteering, friendship groups etc.), not only do I have more people to be compassionate to, but compassion naturally flows out of me more easily and spontaneously.

So it’s worth focusing on growing your capacity to give to others both for others and for the world, and for yourself.

The Dalai Lama once famously said something along these lines – an unwise selfish person is selfish and a wise selfish person is compassionate. The key point that I believe he was making is that we flourish when we can fulfil our need to contribute.

The need to contribute is fundamental to all human beings, and if frustrated it becomes hard for us to thrive. In the end compassion is not for you or for me, but is shared by all human hearts that need to give and receive in order to fully live. By participating in the endless network of giving and receiving we feel ourselves embedded in the web of life. So, we give because it is essential to the human spirit to do so, for all of us.

Even the NHS now advocates giving as one of its Five Steps to Mental Wellbeing. The NHS website says that acts of giving and kindness can improve your wellbeing by

1. increasing positive feelings and a sense of reward

2. bringing a feeling of purpose and self-worth and

3. helping you connect with other people

When I first encountered this idea many years ago, I began to do something for others whenever I felt low or out of sorts. It worked. And it worked when all else failed. Sometimes I had to force myself, but I came to rely on this strategy. It’s actually very common sense – if I focus on others, I’m breaking the self-referencing loops of thinking that hold me stuck in a slump of my own making. I find a sense of self-value again, my nervous system enters into a pro-social mode and the inner weather system shifts correspondingly.

In our weekend on Compassion in Action (26-28 April at Samye Ling) we will create a temporary community of togetherness which will be the crucible for our discoveries about how we each can engage in giving. We will ground ourselves in gentle, supporting mindfulness practices that provide a refuge for us to over and over return to self-connection, which is so important as a basis for acting in the world. And we will look at fostering our sense of connection to people and planet in a wider sense, nurturing interconnectedness as a way of being and seeing.

Fay

What is Buddhism?

Mindfulness Association — Wed, 13 Mar 2024 14:42:45 +0000

A Personal View

Next month, in April, I’m going to be teaching on a course with Choden (mindfulness teacher, Buddhist monk, author and old friend) on “The Practice of Buddhism”, which I’ve been asked to write a few words about. Where to start! Buddhism has been around for over two and half thousand years, after all, during which time it spread through many countries, where it’s adapted and evolved into many different forms, encompassing a huge variety of cultures, philosophies, and practices. With that as a background, perhaps I might simply say a few words about what Buddhism means to me, as a lay Western practitioner.

Firstly, I think it’s fair to say that Buddhism isn’t for people who like to be told how to live their lives, or who are looking for simple answers to life’s problems from an outside authority. It is about learning how to make decisions for ourselves, based on our own wisdom and understanding. This doesn’t mean that we simply “make it up” as we go along, however, and Buddhism provides practical frameworks to help us navigate our lives, such as the Noble Eightfold Path and the Six Paramitas.

Sometimes Buddhism is described as more of a philosophy than a religion, as it doesn’t believe in a creator God, who is worshipped. While this is true, Buddhism is very multi-faceted, and contains many elements that we’d normally associate with “religion”, so for me I feel that we can lose something if we have too limited a view of it. The core of Buddhist teaching is simply that the human condition is rooted in dukkha (often translated as suffering or dissatisfaction) but that it is possible to become released from this, and find a level of fulfilment beyond our ordinary human experience.

The key to the Buddhist path isn’t academic learning or philosophising – although these can have a role – and the idea “practice” is very important, by which is meant how we choose to live our lives, which can create the conditions which allow us to meditate and cultivate kindness and compassion, which in turn leads to insight and wisdom. For me, Buddhism offers a very practical path, which has also helped me find a deeper meaning to my life.

Which leads me (finally) to the course that I’ll be teaching with Choden, which is fittingly called “The Practice of Buddhism”. Our approach on this will be very experiential, based around practices such as meditation and reflection. Through this, we’ll explore some of the basic ideas in Buddhism. The aim of this certainly isn’t to convert people to Buddhism (which would be a very un-Buddhist thing to do!), but simply to learn a little more about ourselves, and possibly help us find deeper meaning in our lives. I hope to meet you on the course.

Alan Hughes

The Practice of Buddhism course begins on the 17th April and can be attended in person or online. For more information about the course please follow THIS LINK

Mindfulness Level 2: Responding with Compassion

Helen — Wed, 13 Mar 2024 10:57:41 +0000

Read about the content and structure of the Compassion Course here

If you have completed an 8 Week MBLC course or our Level 1 Mindfulness training you can book onto this course and begin your journey into compassion.

“The practices given are lifelong tools which everyone should be aware of”

This course starts with building self-compassion into basic mindfulness practice. Through compassionate imagery and mindful self-compassion, we cultivate positive emotions as a way of building up an inner resource, from which we can approach the difficulties that are part and parcel of being alive. We then approach the self-critic: that persistent inner voice that is harsh and condemning, and always finding fault in what we do. What it would be like to cultivate an inner voice that is kind and supportive, and to live life from this place, rather than from a place of destructive self-criticism?

In the course of the journey we move from self-compassion towards compassion for others, exploring practices which help us find balance and perspective beyond our narrow preferences, generating love and friendliness to our inner and outer worlds, responding appropriately to pain and suffering while also appreciating the good things in our lives, integrating compassion into all that we do. As there is a strong emphasis on the experiential nature of the course, there are home practice suggestions between the sessions that include regular compassion practice and daily life exercises.

This course takes place over three weekends, or over one weekend and a 5-day retreat, and is spread out over a six month period. It aims to enable participants to develop their mindfulness practice by training in compassion. The course is themed over the weekend and retreat:

Self Compassion
Compassion for Others
Compassion in Action

“I feel this is a journey and not an end point – the learning is so rich and experiential”

Take some time out of your busy life to relax, nurture and rest as we learn how to cultivate compassion in our lives.

You can read Fay’s blog about Compassion HERE

Tutor: Fay Adams

Part One

Tuesday 12th November 2024

Tuesday 19th November 2024

Tuesday 26th November 2024

Tuesday 3rd December 2024

Tuesday 10th December 2024

Part Two-

Tuesday 7th January 2025

Tuesday 14th January 2025

Tuesday 21st January 2025

Tuesday 28th January 2025

Tuesday 4th February 2025

Part Three-

Tuesday 25th March 2025

Tuesday 1st April 2025

Tuesday 8th April 2025

Tuesday 15th April 2025

Tuesday 22nd April 2025

Cost: £495.00 for all three parts payable in three monthly instalments of £165.00.

Booking info: Please contact info@mindfulnessassociation.net for the booking link.

Times: The course will run from 19.00pm till 21.00pm on a Tuesday evening.

Location: Online via Zoom.